Ways to Give More than just the Leftovers.

Why is it so easy to let the relationships closest to you slide? If you’re like me, family members are the first ones you take for granted. Last week I wrote about Giving Your Marriage More than just the Leftovers.

My husband is my best friend, but it’s easy to overlook him during daily routines with two teenagers excited about life and bursting at the seams to talk about everything. It’s easy to overlook him as I rush out the door to the supermarket, or get ready for an occasional evening out with girl friends. Through the ins and outs of life, we can end up going our separate ways in the same house if we’re not careful to cultivate oneness.

Giving your Marriage More than just the Leftovers

One of my favorite photos of my husband and I, taken 3 years ago.

When was the last time you sat down and had a great conversation with your spouse? On the tail end of a week of stressful conflict, my husband and I recently had a wonderful coffee date.  We had already spent enough time talking through the issues, which we both later agreed were trivial. Our coffee date was just for fun.  We sat in a pastry shop holding hot mugs, looking out at the cold winter day and sharing our ideas, plans, goals, and thoughts with each other. This conversation spilled over into the rest of our week, and we came together at several different points to continue the dialogue.  This awakened in me all over again the delight of discovering my husband.

Cross cultural life involves stress and adaptation issues that can be hard on a marriage.

Not a New Year's Resolution

I don’t like New Year’s resolutions, especially if they have to do with diet and exercise.  This year, however, I do want to acquire a new habit, even if I’m not calling it a resolution.

I want to work on memorizing scripture. Not just verses, but passages. Not just to check a box off the Christian “To Do” list, but to focus my thoughts on God and His words to me. I want my mind to be renewed.

Most days I’m in serious need of a mental makeover by 5:00 p.m.  I start the day on a positive note, but often home school, housework, e-mail, errands, visits, and phone calls leave my mind worn down and overwhelmed by late afternoon.

The Most Urgent Thing We Can Do: Rest!

The moment I’d been looking forward to all day was finally here.  I was just sitting back to put my feet up and listen to some soft music when the doorbell rang.  It was a repairman, who arrived to install our new hot water heater at JUST the moment I was planning on spending a 10 minute mini-retreat to focus on God’s presence.

I felt exasperated as I answered the door and showed him to the bathroom. Should I wait until the installation was over to take my mini-retreat? Or should I sit down and listen to my soft music anyway, despite hammering, drilling noises in the background?

Inner or Outer Beauty?

The last time I wore the infamous 10 year dress

Turkish women know how to take care of themselves. They have their legs waxed, facial hair removed, eyebrows shaped and their hair styled at the salon. There is a kuaför on every corner. They do their nails and have perfect pedicures. They pay careful attention to their makeup and wear nice clothes, shoes, and accessories. 

This can leave a casual American woman feeling frumpy. 

Avoiding Overload

After a relaxing summer, I’m back to busy days and home school, back to the six o’clock witching hour when the kids and I are edgy and tired and I’m trying to get dinner on the table, back to racing to get it all done, trying to juggle ministry and home life. Back to looking at how to avoid overloading myself.

Are women in cross-cultural ministry particularly susceptible to overload?  Household tasks are often more complicated. Language study and Hospitality take time. Stress levels are high during the first few years of adaptation. Like most women, I’m into multi tasking: I make phone calls while I cook dinner and work on school planning when my family watches TV. Soon I find myself falling into the trap of thinking I have to fill every moment.

Making Room for God in my Busy Life

What does your life look like right now?

In September, the learning curve is always high for me, and this year is no different.  My son is starting 9^th grade, and all of a sudden home school looms large. I’m also preparing a 5 week seminar on spiritual growth that starts September 26^th.  Add in time for family, friends, and outreach, and I’m left feeling a bit stressed.

Last summer I spent free time studying and preparing ten hours of material about spiritual growth. I enjoyed the preparation, but now as the date draws closer and my schedule is looking busier, I’m wondering, "Why did I say yes to this? After all this preparation, will more than 5 people come?"  I’m laughing at myself for getting stressed out over a seminar about cultivating our relationship with God.   Hmm, do I see a contradiction here??

Ten years of Middle Eastern experience tell me that either 20 or 2 people could come to the seminar I worked hard to prepare, but for me it doesn’t matter. Because the person who stands to benefit the most from this seminar is ME. The time I spent preparing encouraged and challenged me to revisit making my own relationship with God a priority. What am I doing to invest in my own spiritual growth?

Here are elements of cultivating a relationship with God in daily life that I’m rediscovering:

1.      Daily Time with God

In 25 years as a follower of Christ, I haven’t found a better way to grow spiritually.  My time reading scripture and drinking coffee is my favorite part of the day, even on those mornings when all I can manage is to stare at the page with bleary eyes!

2.      Gratitude List  

I started this last summer after I saw lists popping up everywhere on the web.  Every morning I review the previous day and jot down things I’m thankful for. This discipline helps me to notice many blessings from God I might have previously overlooked. (I’m finally reading the book myself.)

3.      “Practicing God’s Presence”

Last summer I revisited my all time favorite Christian book. I love this modern version of the classic by Brother Lawrence. I’m inspired by the thought of enjoying continual fellowship with God through the hustle and bustle of busy days. 

Favorite quote: “As Brother Lawrence continued his work, he kept up his close and easy conversation with his Maker, asking for grace along the way while making his work an offering.”

4.  Scripture Memory

After leaving this aside for many years, last summer I was challenged by Ann Voskamp's post and her thought provoking question: "Who memorizes God in the age of Google?" I worked on memorizing Ephesiasns 1:3-14.

5.     Prayer with my husband 

Sometimes it is rushed or pushed aside, but most mornings, we manage to fit in 10 minutes of prayer together before breakfast.

6.      Family time to worship and read the Bible 

It’s time for true confessions: over the summer we let this slide. Changing schedules, late nights, and the absence of routine made consistency difficult. Now that school has started we are back on the road.

What about you?  Do any of these ideas resonate with you?  What is your favorite way to make room for God in the midst of busy life?  

15 Hacks for Avoiding Burnout on the Field

Turnover of cross-cultural workers is high in our corner of the world. We’ve heard informal statistics indicating that over half the ex-pats serving in our country have been here two years or less.  In ten years we’ve seen foreigners leave for many reasons:  visa problems, difficulty learning the language and adjusting, job related stress, health issues, problems with children and their education, but I suspect the number one reason is discouragement. The soil is hard here and the fruit is slow in coming.

After an intense year working on a new outreach project while homeschooling, I had the opportunity to slow down this summer and invest extra time in my own personal life.  Now I feel refreshed and ready to face the challenges of seed sowing again.

Taking time for personal renewal helps to avoid burnout and increases our effectiveness.  Here’s my brainstorm list for spiritual renewal and avoiding burnout:

1.  Quiet Time.

Spending half an hour daily reading the Bible and listening for God’s voice gives me a fresh perspective on life every morning. It’s the backbone of my spiritual life.

2.  Invest in your Spiritual Growth.

Read Christian books, listen to podcasts, seek out a mentor or attend conferences when possible. One of my favorite on-line resources is the daily devotional, Word for Today.

3.  Make sure your goals are realistic.

My husband and I struggled over the slow progress of our new outreach effort until we realized that part of our discouragement stemmed from unrealistic expectations.  Others expect to come and master the language in just one or two years. Very difficult unless you are super human.

4.  Invest in your marriage.

My husband and I have a weekly date time, which started when we watched the Alpha Marriage Course DVD’s five years ago. We went on a marriage retreat for the first time last year while on furlough, and found it to be a great investment of time and money.

5.  Make time for fun with your family.

We have movie nights and play games while listening to vintage rock.  (Only my family has heard me belt out “Like a Rolling Stone” along with Bob Dylan!)

6.  Make sure your kids know the language and have local friends. 

This is important if you are homeschooling. We insist that our kids participate in at least one community extra-curricular activity each year. Other friends put their kids in local schools for a year or two. Bottom line: Kids struggle to be happy if they don’t know the language.

7.  Cultivate true friendships where you can be yourself and share your struggles, both with nationals and other foreigners.

8.  Continue learning new things.

Last year I joined a Turkish folk dancing class for several months.  This year I’ll be learning Latin with my kids.

9.  Enjoy a hobby. 

Check out Creative Contentment for a great example of someone who makes time for creative pursuits in Western Turkey.

10.  Follow a secondary (or primary) pursuit that gives you an outlet or additional avenue for fulfillment when spiritual fruit is slow to develop. This could be a secular job, a hobby, or academic studies. My outlet is being a “professional” homeschooling mother.

11. Reach out to others when you are lonely.

12.  Keep in contact with family and friends back home.

13.  Read for pleasure. 

14.  Get involved in your community.

15.  Make time for regular exercise.

What about you? Do you have any other suggestions or ideas for maintaining spiritual vitality and avoiding burnout?

Three Ways to Keep my Head Above Water

I was going to name this post, “Three ways to Stay Spiritually Fresh,” but that sounded too holy.  Some days I’m feeling spiritually renewed; other days I’m just fighting to keep my head above water!

In my part of the world, Christians face a tough spiritual climate.  We share the gospel, but see few results.  Sometimes people put their faith in Christ, and then fall away.  I remember a time several years ago when a dear young man my husband discipled for over a year left our church over a disagreement.  We loved this younger brother and were sorry to see him go.  We rejoiced that he continued to follow the Lord in another fellowship, but we missed him. It was discouraging for our small group, who lost another member due to divorce during the same time.  Discouraging circumstances can be part of everyday life.

Maintaining spiritual vitality in this climate is crucial for me.  I don’t want to just survive here.  I want to live joyfully, thankfully receiving all God has for me.  Three things help me to keep my head above water and stay fresh:

         1.  Reading God’s word.

This sounds cliché, but it’s true.  God’s word inspires me, encourages me, strengthens me, and challenges me to grow.  I try to read it daily. I also find it stimulating to talk about what I’m reading with others.  Most mornings before breakfast, my husband and I talk about what we’ve read.  Last night driving home in the car with my Turkish sister we spoke briefly about Romans, which we are both currently reading. My children and I are reading Proverbs together, and it’s great to hear their thoughts.

David wrote: “Blessed is the man”…who delights “in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night.  He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither.” (Psalm 1:1,2,3)

        2.  Journaling and Writing

I keep a journal where I record scriptures that encourage me, or write short prayers.  It helps me keep track of what God is speaking to me.  Last year I read a book by Bill Hybels called Too Busy Not To Pray, and he shared his approach to incorporating writing with prayer.  At the start of his daily quiet time he does some journaling about what is on his mind, and after unburdening his heart, he is attentive and ready to read God’s word.  He also suggested writing down prayer requests as well as questions that we want to ask God. The idea of writing down questions for God challenges my faith.  For me, writing is a powerful tool to come to terms with what I am thinking.

        3.  Taking Time to Enjoy Life’s Small Blessings

It’s easy to rush through life without stopping to smell the roses.  I remember this when I walk out of my apartment building and see the roses cultivated by our doorman.  I often take time to stop and smell a rose. I look at it and remember it’s a small miracle of God.  There are so many things in life to enjoy: a conversation with my children when they’re excited about something, tea with a friend, the taste of an apple pie, reading a good book. Most days I take a walk in the park near my house.   It’s a 30 minute mini-vacation. These are gifts from God, and I want to enjoy them to the fullest! 

What are things that you do to maintain spiritual freshness?

               

How God Reminded Me I'm Not Superwoman

 

Have you ever planned something that just didn’t turn out as you’d hoped?

I thought I had a great plan for myself during my husband’s two and a half week trip out of the country. I knew I’d miss Jose, but I was almost looking forward to a little extra freedom to plan life on my own for two weeks.  During his absence I planned to visit a few women friends that I’m seeking to share God’s love with.   I would use the time alone in the evenings after the kids were in bed for working on a writing project, and I hoped to spend time with a few girlfriends I haven’t seen recently.

My plans came to a halt when I woke up with the flu the morning I had to take Jose to the airport.  After he left, I struggled through the days trying to accomplish the bare minimum of keeping house, cooking, homeschooling and driving the kids to their extra-curricular activities despite feeling lousy.  On week two a hacking cough set in. How could this be happening?  I hadn’t been this sick in years.  I felt overwhelmed by responsibilities and frustrated that I couldn’t make the visits I’d planned.

I was forced to rest. Sick in bed, I realized again my own human frailty and weakness.  God reminded me that I’m not superwoman.  Of course he’s taught me this before, but I guess I’m a slow learner.  I had time to think about several things:

I am dependent on God’s grace.

Being sick reminded me that I am not as capable or strong as I think I am. I can do nothing without God’s power and grace.  I kept remembering Paul’s words in 2 Cor. 12:9: “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” That was good news because I was definitely feeling weak.

God doesn’t need me to accomplish his work.

I felt frustrated about not being able to visit the m friends I’ve been praying for and want to reach out to.  My husband and I have a vision for cp., and I had looked forward to continuing our ministry of sowing seeds while he was gone. So I was discouraged until I finally had a fresh realization: God’s work is not dependent on what I can do in two weeks while my husband is out of town!  He will still bring people to himself even if I have to take things easy for two weeks.  This is a no brainer. I was even able to laugh over how seriously I’d been taking myself.

I can let go and trust Him.

When I was able to let go and accept that God’s plan for the time during my husband’s absence was different than mine, I ended up with extra time to focus on my relationship with the Him.  I couldn’t meet friends and do many activities, but I spent some extra minutes with Jesus when I could, did a bit of reading, and enjoyed time with my kids.  Last month, I’d been feeling the need to be refilled, and perhaps God allowed this because it was the only way to get me to slow down.

I’ve decided once more that I don’t want to be superwoman.  I just want Christ’s power to rest on me.

How about you? Has anything happened to you lately that reminded you you’re not superhuman?

Recharging your Batteries

What do you do to refuel your tank?

I don’t know about you, but sometimes I get so busy with life that I find myself running on empty.  I enjoy my roles as a wife, homeschooling mother, friend, and cross-cultural worker, but sometimes responsibilities and pile up on my plate and overwhelm me. I run out of gas fast if I’m always working, serving, and giving, without stopping to fill my own tank.  I’ll bet you can relate.

Although it’s hard to find time, I know I need to care for myself if I want to keep serving effectively.  So I’ve been thinking about the things I enjoy doing to refill my tank.

• Time with God

My favorite morning ritual is getting up before the rest of the family to drink coffee, read the Bible and pray. It’s a way to cultivate my relationship with God, and I find encouragement for the day ahead.  It’s a time to realign my thoughts with God’s word and be renewed. No matter what I’m going through, time with God changes my perspective. I remember Jesus words in March 6:31: “Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.” (Mark 6:31)

• Quiet Time for Thinking and Planning

 I need time just to be quiet, to think, plan and dream.  I try to take a walk every day, which helps me to stay focused spiritually and mentally.  While I walk, I pray and think about what’s going on in my life. Also I take time periodically to evaluate my priorities and set goals.

• Reading: Cultivating my Mind and Spirit

Recently I felt spiritually dry, and I realized I’d stopped reading. So I picked up a short, simple book called “Intimacy with the Almighty” by Charles Swindoll, and my spiritual life and desire for God were energized.  I also asked several friends to recommend books on a few topics, and I was pleased to get some great recommendations.  Ideally I like to have a novel and Christian non-fiction book going. 

• Investing time in my family

I try to keep the conversation going with my 11 year old daughter and 13 year old son. We love playing card games while listening to whatever my son has on his MP3 player. (Okay, maybe his music doesn’t always refuel my tank!) We read the scriptures together and sing every night. 

• Time with my Spouse

It’s easy to neglect the people closest to us, so my husband and I set aside a weekly time to reconnect.  Sometimes we go out and do something fun; other times we work on --ahem-- conflict resolution. Often we talk about our hopes and dreams, or even our schedule. Our weekly date is a lifeline for our relationship.

• Good Friends

Remember the old Beatles song, “I Get By With A Little Help From My Friends”?  I’m so thankful to have close friends who love me for who I am no matter what state I’m in, people I can be real with.  It’s life-giving to be able to share your heart and know that someone understands, and it’s refreshing to hear another person’s point of view. 

• Exercise

I’m definitely no exercise freak, but the benefits I get out of my daily walk and short Pilates workout far outweigh the time I invest in them. 

• Vacations and Time Outdoors

My husband and I schedule outings and vacations to relax together as a family.  I especially love being outdoors, as long as camping isn’t involved!  I love the beach, the mountains, rivers and streams.   

What about you?  What do you enjoy doing to recharge your batteries?

NOTE: If my blog looks funny or something's wrong, I'll have no way of knowing.  There's a court case that just opened in Turkey against Google Blogger, so the government is blocking all google blogs. I can't access my blog page!  I can post, and I can read your comments, but I can't respond to them.