What I Learned about Friendships with Nationals from Backgammon

From Wikipedia.org

Little did I know what I was getting into when I offered to play backgammon with Yeşim. Her eyes gleamed as she leaned forward and rolled the dice.  By sheer instinct she expertly moved the pieces along without even having to count or think. She won 6 games and let me win one.

Backgammon is the national board game of Turkey. You see people sitting on the street playing, and you hear the click of the dice as you walk past cafes. I learned backgammon as a child and am familiar with the rules, but believe me, that doesn’t cut it when it comes to Turkish backgammon!

Yeşim came over at 3:30 for a bit of advice and prayer.  We spent the afternoon drinking tea, eating cake and talking.  After we prayed together, I asked if she wanted to stay and help me make pizza and eat dinner with us.

In the afternoon, I was the abla (older sister) offering advice and prayer. When I got out the backgammon board after dinner, the tables turned and Yeşim became the expert.
She played so quickly that I could hardly follow her moves.  Immediately after I rolled the dice each time, she swooped them up, waiting to see what my play would be.  I was so slow that I couldn’t even remember what I’d rolled after she picked up the dice.

At one point I said, “I love games, but this might not be fun for you. Do you want to stop?”

“Oh, I’m having fun,” she answered graciously. “You’re not bad.  You play better than lots of other beginners.”  I honestly think she might have played 10 more games if I’d been up for it.

I learned a lot about backgammon, but it was slightly humbling.  I felt slow and awkward, having to think over each move and count out each space while she played effortlessly and won each time.

My Backgammon experience reminded me a few things about relationships with nationals:

Learn from them all you can

My first instinct was to stop playing to avoid losing.  But if I’d stopped, I wouldn’t have learned as much about the game.  As a cross cultural servant, I don’t always have to be the teacher.  I can learn from nationals about culture, cooking and even spirituality. Turkish Christians have a lot to teach me.

Don’t be afraid to share your Weaknesses

Sometimes we feel like we need to look like we have it all together, especially before national believers.  In the Purpose Driven Life, Rick Warren makes the point that sharing your weaknesses can be a powerful influence on others.  They’re encouraged when they see God using you even though you’re not perfect. And they just might be able to identify with your weaknesses and learn from how you’re handling them.  Hopefully I can go beyond letting my friend see what a bad backgammon player I am to sharing more real struggles.

Give the gift of time.

After spending my whole afternoon with Yeşim, I sensed God prompting me to invite her to hang out and be family with us for a little while longer. If I hadn’t followed the prompt I never would have had the backgammon experience! I often follow my American tendencies to schedule people into time slots, and we have to be careful to protect our family life, but time is a precious gift that grows relationships when I am able to give it.

So this is what backgammon taught me about relationships with nationals. What has your experience taught you about cross-cultural friendships?